Bringing Up Baby

As I sit here writing this blog, I have my baby monitor next to me.  On the screen is a little baby boy on the edge of sleep.  He is what you would call drowsy but awake.  Yes! Drowsy but awake - the state those sleep gurus tell you is important in teaching your little one to self soothe and sleep on their own.  And the fact that I am sat downstairs watching him drift off is one of my greatest achievements as a mum to date.  In fact today has gifted me with this great achievement twice as I also had a drowsy but awake baby in the pram this morning.  By the time I had got half way around the block with the dog, my drowsy baby had fallen to sleep. Hurrah! But as I sit here sharing my moment of glory there is actually a growing unease in me; because although this is an achievement it is tainted by one small fact.  You see, I have a confession to make:  I can only get my baby to sleep in a swaddle.  He is 5 months old on Saturday and yet he w...

Motherhood has led to a variety of life changes but there are several things I now do that I never thought I would: 1) Sniffing baby's bum to determine if the nappy is dirty. Yes it's rank but totally effective and a trip to a baby group will show you this is a universal mummy skill! 2) I can remix a nursery rhyme like a boss! Not knowing the words to all time favourites has led to some rather bizzare versions! I just hope Charlie doesn't remember them! 3) Move like a ninja! I can move around a sleeping baby with skills that even Jackie Chan would envy! 4) One handed everything: make up, eating, dressing (zips are especially challenging!), cleaning, feeding dog and husband! You name it I can probably do it! 5) Peeing with a baby on my knee... sometimes nature calls at inconvenient times at and needs must! 6) Spend my time chasing the dog who has knicked Sophie the Giraffe again! 7) I can make animal noises for any animal you throw at me.... puffins f...

Maybe I am just being overly sensitive but I really took a flippant remark to heart this weekend.  I feel I need to address it even if it is just to try and keep my vulnerable new mum confidence in tact. As a first time mum I worry about everything and I work tirelessly like all mummy's to make sure I am doing the best for my baby so when I was told by a family member that 'I didn't know how lucky I was' that Charlie was such a 'good baby and I am lucky he sleeps so well' it took me by surprise. The comment itself seems so harmless but has actually affected me and left me feeling a little angry. In some respects I agree, there is an element of luck in having a Baby. I am lucky I was blessed to get pregnant and to have Charlie. I also agree Charlie is wonderful (I am biased of course); he is a very sociable, happy little boy most of the time! But to describe me as lucky because he is good has left me feeling like the achievements I have accomplished with Ch...

I have always been shy and easily embarrassed. I was one of those teenagers that liked to keep things covered up not on display so breastfeeding in public was not just something that worried me it was a real fear.  For me breastfeeding had got off to a bad start anyway as my little one had a tongue tie , meaning he couldn't latch and feed without the use of nipple shields. Well my friends if you have tried nipple shields the slippery little blighters are enough of a challenge in your own home let alone in a public place!  So my first public breastfeeding was a planned affair - I had a walk round my local town with the pram and then headed to a relatively quiet cafe to feed.  I decided not to try and fit the shield in public and pottered off to the toilets to fit them.  As I left the toilets looking like Madonna with my two pointy nipples I felt the embarrassment blush creeping up my neck. I was looking to see who was looking and to my horror they were all lookin...

Today I am still reeling from the terrible events in Manchester. I held my little baby boy last night and cried at the thought of the world I have brought him into, such pain and suffering. The fear that grips my heart though is not that these evil monsters exist in this world and they could take me or my loved ones in such a cruel and callous way. Not these horrible cruel people who I cannot protect my son from but is a fear that they will win. I scrolled through my newsfeed and saw hatred spewing from people I call friends. Shocking sweeping statements. I see racist slogans and far right groups capitalising on our fear. I see a whole religion being tarred with the same brush as this evil scum without a second thought. I look at my son and he knows no prejudice, he knows no difference between race or skin colour, he knows no difference between a Muslim, Christian or Jew. He has no sense of superiority or hatred. He was born, like we all were, as an equal to all others and wit...

I am blessed to have my son and I love him with all my heart but as every mother knows sometimes being a new mum is really hard. It's not just the lack of sleep and the being needed constantly that is challenging to get to grips with; part of me is mourning for the person I was before I had Charlie. I have always been an ambitious, driven career woman bringing home a decent wage and working 45+ hours a week. I love the challenge of my work it's fast moving, problem solving, technical work that stimulated me in a way that this new role can't. I miss the intellectual conversation that I have now traded in for nursery rhymes and mum talk about nappies. I miss the feeling of mental exhaustion, I miss feeling successful and I miss bringing home a wage that ensured financial stability. I miss the freedom of going for a run or playing hockey without worrying about feeds and bedtime and whether by taking half an hour for myself I am somehow neglecting Charlie. I miss my pre-pregna...