I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be. It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes. It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose. The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to. It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down. I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever. I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly. In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living. I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships be...
Maybe I am just being overly sensitive but I really took a flippant remark to heart this weekend. I feel I need to address it even if it is just to try and keep my vulnerable new mum confidence in tact. As a first time mum I worry about everything and I work tirelessly like all mummy's to make sure I am doing the best for my baby so when I was told by a family member that 'I didn't know how lucky I was' that Charlie was such a 'good baby and I am lucky he sleeps so well' it took me by surprise. The comment itself seems so harmless but has actually affected me and left me feeling a little angry. In some respects I agree, there is an element of luck in having a Baby. I am lucky I was blessed to get pregnant and to have Charlie. I also agree Charlie is wonderful (I am biased of course); he is a very sociable, happy little boy most of the time! But to describe me as lucky because he is good has left me feeling like the achievements I have accomplished with Ch...