I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be. It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes. It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose. The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to. It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down. I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever. I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly. In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living. I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships be...
I have always been shy and easily embarrassed. I was one of those teenagers that liked to keep things covered up not on display so breastfeeding in public was not just something that worried me it was a real fear. For me breastfeeding had got off to a bad start anyway as my little one had a tongue tie , meaning he couldn't latch and feed without the use of nipple shields. Well my friends if you have tried nipple shields the slippery little blighters are enough of a challenge in your own home let alone in a public place! So my first public breastfeeding was a planned affair - I had a walk round my local town with the pram and then headed to a relatively quiet cafe to feed. I decided not to try and fit the shield in public and pottered off to the toilets to fit them. As I left the toilets looking like Madonna with my two pointy nipples I felt the embarrassment blush creeping up my neck. I was looking to see who was looking and to my horror they were all lookin...