Bringing Up Baby

Today I woke up and for a moment I lay still staring at the ceiling and forced myself to listen to my breath.  I lay there and felt my chest rise and fall as I breathed.  It took all my will power to keep my focus on my breath, a mindfulness technique I have been taught.  I did this for maybe 30 seconds maybe a minute as my husband got up to the baby.  I was lying there trying to keep my focus off the one thing that has dominated my thoughts recently.  The dark, dismal feelings that have clawed their way into my life that bring with them the thoughts that I just can’t go on anymore.  These thoughts bring with them tears and heartbreak and they make living a normal life more and more difficult. My bipolar disorder has made me prone to depression.  It is a life long battle, but as my husband carries my beautiful son into our room that battle has to be put on hold; a momentary truce.  He is my world, the reason my heart beats and despite my turmoil he is not going to see me cry.  I take

I have not been happy with my post baby body for some time now.  It just has never felt like the right time to take on the battle of getting back into shape! There is always something that seems to take priority and one thing I have come to realise is that taking time for myself to work out or to go for a run has seemed selfish and unimportant since becoming a mother!  But as I stood in front of the mirror the other day in my underwear and I let my critical eye survey the damage of these last few months of neglect, My heart sank and the tears flowed!  I am baring all, to say to all you lovely mums out there who are feeling a little overwhelmed with your post baby bodies - you are not alone! So here it is, wobbly tummy and love handles galore! This is me! I am not ashamed of what I have become because every curve and wobble tells a story of my journey in motherhood, it tells a tale of me putting my baby first, making poor food choices out of weariness from loving a poorly bab

My little boy was 6 months old when we finally got a call to say that we had a space at a special pool that specialises in baby swimming and sensory. I was so excited to embark on this new adventure with my baby! After I had bought him his swimming nappies and the special requirement over nappy I dug out my old swimsuit! I realised with horror that my swimming costume didn’t fit my post baby body! I did what all mums do! I made do, feeling a little uncomfortable and embarrassed I quickly scooted into the pool in the hope all eyes would be on the giggling splashing babies! I promised myself I would lose the baby weight and it would be fine but that is not a quick solution and frankly being a mum has done nothing for my waistline.  So when I was offered the opportunity to review a product from   UK Swimwear  it was like my prayers had been answered! As I browsed the extensive designer swimwear collection I was spoilt for choice!  But the costume I chose came in the shape of the Oceanus

It has come far too quickly! Everybody told me it would fly by and it has done.  I cannot believe that I am fst neqring the end of my maternity leave and as the SMP runs out I have to go bck to work!  Yes I would rather stay at home with my baby boy, but sadly for me that is just not a viable option. I could weep and break my heart over this but instead I am trying to focus on the positive that I only have to go back part time.  What this has led to is the trauma of deciding which nursery to send my most prized treasure too!  Something I was not anticipating to be quite as difficult as it was. For me geographical poximty was kind of irrelevant as I live in a rural village in a rural area so the local town is really the only option; any nursery would require a car journey so this factored quite low on the priority list. Which opened up about 6 possibilities. People told me I would have a gut feeling abour a nursery and it didn't matter what anyone else told you, you would know whic

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a pregnancy related condition that causes severe nausea and vomiting; it can be so severe the sufferer may feel faint, become dehydrated and have significant weight loss.  Not only is it physically debilitating it can be mentally challenging too. Not only do you have the horrific sickness to contend with day in day out for weeks, you also may become isolated, house-bound and feel quite lonely.  Take into account the fact the joyous occasion of becoming pregnant being somewhat overshadowed by this awful comdition and it is no suprise depression is also very common in sufferers. If you are suffering with HG this post is for you: I just want to tell you to hold on and that you can do this. I know that sickness can start so early in your pregnancy. It came to me early too and I know that feeling. I know those fears. The fear your baby is at risk because you can't eat or drink properly. The desperation to hide your pregnancy but you are struggling because you

I can't quite believe that my little boy is 7 months old next week.  What is more unbelievable is my maternity pay stops in 6 weeks and the inevitability of the return to work is looming. Currently me and my son are coming to the end of my breastfeeding journey and it is a decision that I am finding more painful than I ever anticipated. I didn't have the easiest of starts to breastfeeding and it took till around 14 weeks in to be pain free due to numerous issues (read my blog on the challenges I faced here ).  But after those 14 weeks things got better and better, breastfeeding became easy, and more than that, I started to enjoy the time I had just me and my boy.   I loved how he looked at me, how he relaxed, how content he was during and after feeds.   I felt like we were connected and as he got older it got even more special as he would laugh or smile as our eyes met while he fed or how funny I found it when he got distracted by some noise or movement and pull

It is 2am and the baby is awake, that is not unusual for babies!  But this is the start of my little boy waking himself up every hour until morning.  He is 6 1/2 months old now and he has never slept through, he has never really slept more than 4 hours and that is just how it is.  When I bought him home, my perfect little bundle of joy, I quickly became concerned there was something wrong with him. He never was still!  His arms waved up and down continuously and it looked so bizarre I was worried he was having some kind of seizure or that they were involuntary movements. I saw a health visitor and she agreed he was very active, we had a Neonatal behavioural assessment to help me read his cues as he just wouldn't sleep.  I felt like it was my fault bit I was reassured all was well.  The assessment was really useful we looked at his cues and how to read his behavioural states.  The newborn  has 6 behavioural states and understanding and noticing them can help you read how to interac