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A mothers Loneliness

I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be.  It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes.  It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose.  The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to.  It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down.  I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever. I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly.  In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living. I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships because I always le

Product Review: Marks and Spencer's front zip Extra High Impact Sports bra for the breastfeeding mum

This weekend I went to get some new jeans and tried a few sale tops on as well while I was out and about.  My body has changed quite a lot since I had Charlie, particularly the breasts! In fact I ended up feeling like a sack of potatoes and came home feeling quite deflated (ironic I know!).
I have always been quite athletic, I have always used exercise to manage stress and anxiety and to be honest I have missed It!  I also don't appreciate my new bulging muffin top and ever inflating bust which seems to be my biggest issue at the moment!  I know that a lot of that has to do with the boredom and loneliness I have felt being a mum as well of course as breastfeeding.  I don't eat that healthy and am guilty of grabbing whatever is quick and easy and I also go out for lunch or a coffee and cake (a lot!) just so I feel like I have done something with my day and to get out of the house!

So after feeling hopeless and sorry for myself and after reaching for a packet of shortbread that was lurking in the cupboard I realized that if I wanted to feel a bit better about myself and feel a bit more confident and fit in some blooming jeans then I had better do something about it.
So I decided rather than spend money on clothes, that I will still feel uncomfortable in, I would invest in some sports wear.  My most important buy was a breastfeeding friendly sports bra! Because my lovely 32c's are now 34f's they frankly need a health warning for any bounce related activities and also I responsive feed so if baby needs feeding I need quick access that is just one of the things us breastfeeding mums need to consider! I have bought an amazing shock absorber bra a few weeks ago which basically straps them in so snug they can't bounce but I have to completely strip off to feed as it is not at all breastfeeding friendly. I have booked on to a Sweaty Mama class and in this case I would have to feed before I left the house and come straight back which is great unless I wanted to make the most of the trip out and run some errands before the class.   

So in order to find a suitable bra I (obviously) googled 'nursing sports bra' as any good woman does when she wants to buy something new for herself! I also did this while I sat feeding baby C and I had a coffee and another panini out (which is the very reason I need said sports bra!).  A few popped up but all of which needed ordering online so delivery would take a couple of days and my need was immediate (while the motivation took me!).  However there were three that caught my eye :

Marks and Spencer's front zip Extra High Impact Sports bra (Various Colour options)
Cake Zest Nursing Flexi Wire Sports Bra £44.00 from Figleaves (Grey and Teal)
La Leche League Sports Bra £22.95 from Fruugo (Pink and Purple)




But for me bra shopping has become a little fraught in recent weeks - nothing fits like I think it will and so buying online doesn't really appeal and also because I can never be bothered with the faff of sending something back if it doesn't fit. But the one that really stood out to me was the Marks and Spencer's front zip Extra High Impact Sports bra for just £25.00!  I happened to be right opposite a store so off I went to good old Marks and Sparks and found one to try on!

I really like this bra because it looks great and the price is very reasonable! It comes in several different colour combinations, I went for the electric blue and pink.  It also comes in an A-G cup which suits my bigger bust!


It also is comfy when on and it goes well under active wear with its razor back strap which most sports wear is and if it does show then it still looks good, and dare I say it, quite trendy!   I did struggle to zip it up to start with as my breasts are large so it was difficult to capture them and do the zip up but I found it easier to start the zip off first and then pull it down under my bust and fasten the rest of the way.  These sports bras are breathable and are made from performance fabrics so they keep you cool and dry apparently.   They call themselves extra high impact protection (which includes running) so my test was to jump on the spot in the changing room! Initially I didn't feel that the protection was really Extra High Impact as I had a lot of bounce going on but at £25.00 I thought this bra was great value and it worked for me as a nursing bra too and frankly I don't believe anything could contain my huge chest completely.  I have since been running in this bra and admittedly I wore a supportive running top too for a little extra hold but it worked absolutely brilliantly; running clearly produces less bounce than I imagined and I actually felt really well supported.   I even survived a sweaty mama class with no black eyes so I have been really impressed!  The zip front is great for easy access for nursing although it does take a bit of getting used to doing it back up (not as easy as one handed nursing clips which I have now mastered) but it means I can pop into town and do some jobs before my sweaty mama class and feed the baby in public if need be. For a new mum sometimes its hard enough to get dressed once in a day, so if this means I can get in my sports stuff on early when the opportunity arises (naptime!!!) then it is a winner with me!  

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