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Showing posts from May, 2017

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A mothers Loneliness

I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be.  It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes.  It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose.  The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to.  It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down.  I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever. I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly.  In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living. I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships because I always le

My birth experience left me frightened and alone. Could postnatal care be better?

My birth experience was not what I had wanted it to be. As a first time mum I had hoped for the natural birth I had imagined while writing a birth plan. Alas it was not to be!  I was under a consultant for the entire pregnancy and through regular monitoring it had been picked up that I had low amniotic fluid. In the end it dropped again and it was decided I should be induced at 37 weeks. I was terrified - I had two sweeps the week before and I walked miles and miles in the hope to get things going naturally but my little one was not done cooking and so made no moves at all! The induction started early on a drizzly Monday morning in January. And within 2 hours I started having contractions which quickly settled into a steady pattern of every 2 minutes.  I went on like that from 11am through the day until early evening and I wasn't sure what was happening if baby was on his way or not! All I knew was it hurt like hell and was getting stronger and stronger. I barely saw the midwi

Public breastfeeding: What I wish I'd known

I have always been shy and easily embarrassed. I was one of those teenagers that liked to keep things covered up not on display so breastfeeding in public was not just something that worried me it was a real fear.  For me breastfeeding had got off to a bad start anyway as my little one had a tongue tie , meaning he couldn't latch and feed without the use of nipple shields. Well my friends if you have tried nipple shields the slippery little blighters are enough of a challenge in your own home let alone in a public place!  So my first public breastfeeding was a planned affair - I had a walk round my local town with the pram and then headed to a relatively quiet cafe to feed.  I decided not to try and fit the shield in public and pottered off to the toilets to fit them.  As I left the toilets looking like Madonna with my two pointy nipples I felt the embarrassment blush creeping up my neck. I was looking to see who was looking and to my horror they were all looking at my baby wh

Why my post pregnancy wobble is here to stay (for now at least)!

I see the gorgeous Beyonce bump pictures and see so many people tweeting they can't wait to see her post pregnancy body. It makes me look a little gingerly at my own slightly wobbly tummy and wonder if I will ever have the body I used to again. What I am almost certain of is that Beyonce will look Fab! Not only because she is stunning but she can afford to hire nutritionists and personal trainers to help her get back on track and a photographer who knows how to flatter The figure. The annoying thing about this fascination of celebrity post pregnancy bodies is that it opens the door to body shaming at a time when a woman really shouldn't be worried about her weight. Especially if you are breastfeeding as dieting can affect your milk and as a breastfeeding mum one of my measures of success is my little ones growth and weight gain. But from the celebrity magazines it also trickles down to give us all impossible targets as we look to our idols and try to emulate them.  This i

7 ways to check if you have a good baby

As a new mum amongst all the cooing and admiration you will be asked 'Is he/she a good Baby?'. In order to help you determine, if indeed your baby is good, I have put together a list that may help! Was your baby less than 2ft tall (approx 70cm) at birth? If yes then you very likely have a good baby. Babies are generally small humans and so this is a good indicator. Incidently the longest baby recorded in the Guinness world records was 71cm and born in America. Can your newborn baby speak in full sentences? No - then you have a good Baby! Who wants a newborn shouting 'Mummy give me your boob immediately!' in the middle of a crowded supermarket. Most good babies do this in a code form which consists of crying noises - in time mummy will know what baby is asking for while the wider public will not! Does your baby produce plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Yes - then your baby is nailing this newborn malarkey! And if the occasional nappy explosion occurs all up th

Chicco Next 2 me Review: to Moses or not to Moses?

We were eagerly anticipating the arrival of our bundle of joy and were looking for our little ones moses basket when we stumbled across a new concept in mamas and papas ; the side sleeping cots which allowed co-sleeping with safety.  There were two options available in-store the Snuz Pod and the Chicco Next 2 Me .  Both offer the benefits of the baby sleeping close to mum with a drop down side and larger bassinets than the moses baskets. Initially I liked the more stylish shape of the Snuz Pod with the wooden frame, and its ability to rock certainly would have come in handy. However, one of its selling points was the ability to remove the bassinet and use it round the house - something that I didn't intend to do as I had already purchased a pram with a bassinet that could be used downstairs. The Chicco had the advantage of being easily collapsable so it could be used as a travel cot too. The Chicco Next 2 me had straps to secure the base to the bed and to me looke

A Mum's response to Terror

Today I am still reeling from the terrible events in Manchester. I held my little baby boy last night and cried at the thought of the world I have brought him into, such pain and suffering. The fear that grips my heart though is not that these evil monsters exist in this world and they could take me or my loved ones in such a cruel and callous way. Not these horrible cruel people who I cannot protect my son from but is a fear that they will win. I scrolled through my newsfeed and saw hatred spewing from people I call friends. Shocking sweeping statements. I see racist slogans and far right groups capitalising on our fear. I see a whole religion being tarred with the same brush as this evil scum without a second thought. I look at my son and he knows no prejudice, he knows no difference between race or skin colour, he knows no difference between a Muslim, Christian or Jew. He has no sense of superiority or hatred. He was born, like we all were, as an equal to all others and wit

Sometimes I just miss who I was before being a mum

I am blessed to have my son and I love him with all my heart but as every mother knows sometimes being a new mum is really hard. It's not just the lack of sleep and the being needed constantly that is challenging to get to grips with; part of me is mourning for the person I was before I had Charlie. I have always been an ambitious, driven career woman bringing home a decent wage and working 45+ hours a week. I love the challenge of my work it's fast moving, problem solving, technical work that stimulated me in a way that this new role can't. I miss the intellectual conversation that I have now traded in for nursery rhymes and mum talk about nappies. I miss the feeling of mental exhaustion, I miss feeling successful and I miss bringing home a wage that ensured financial stability. I miss the freedom of going for a run or playing hockey without worrying about feeds and bedtime and whether by taking half an hour for myself I am somehow neglecting Charlie. I miss my pre-pregna

Just Google It! Or maybe not...?

In a world of social media and instant inter at access at your fingertips it's easy to find that your not alone in the daily struggles of motherhood. As a first time mum I have an internet history full of weird and wonderful questions - from my baby hasn't pooped for 3 days, to what developmental milestones should my baby have reached by now. While the instant access to information and opinions is often reassuring, I have found myself obsessing over whether I am doing the right things or if I should have tried something else or bought another gizmo in. It made me think what life was like before Google for mums. How did they cope when they couldn't just grab a mobile and type in a random question and have instant access to the vast array of answers. Instantly I think how lucky I am! And certainly there are times good old Google has helped me when things felt bleak - for instance my breastfeeding journey was difficult to start with and the YouTube videos of koala holds and