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Showing posts from August, 2017

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A mothers Loneliness

I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be.  It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes.  It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose.  The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to.  It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down.  I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever.I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly.  In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living.I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships because I always leave…

Hyperemesis Gravidarum: Surviving the sickness

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a pregnancy related condition that causes severe nausea and vomiting; it can be so severe the sufferer may feel faint, become dehydrated and have significant weight loss.  Not only is it physically debilitating it can be mentally challenging too. Not only do you have the horrific sickness to contend with day in day out for weeks, you also may become isolated, house-bound and feel quite lonely.  Take into account the fact the joyous occasion of becoming pregnant being somewhat overshadowed by this awful comdition and it is no suprise depression is also very common in sufferers. If you are suffering with HG this post is for you:I just want to tell you to hold on and that you can do this. I know that sickness can start so early in your pregnancy. It came to me early too and I know that feeling. I know those fears. The fear your baby is at risk because you can't eat or drink properly. The desperation to hide your pregnancy but you are struggling because you a…

The sorrow of saying goodbye to breastfeeding!

I can't quite believe that my little boy is 7 months old next week.  What is more unbelievable is my maternity pay stops in 6 weeks and the inevitability of the return to work is looming. Currently me and my son are coming to the end of my breastfeeding journey and it is a decision that I am finding more painful than I ever anticipated.
I didn't have the easiest of starts to breastfeeding and it took till around 14 weeks in to be pain free due to numerous issues (read my blog on the challenges I faced here).  But after those 14 weeks things got better and better, breastfeeding became easy, and more than that, I started to enjoy the time I had just me and my boy.  
I loved how he looked at me, how he relaxed, how content he was during and after feeds.  
I felt like we were connected and as he got older it got even more special as he would laugh or smile as our eyes met while he fed or how funny I found it when he got distracted by some noise or movement and pull off to have a …